THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS




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THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS





Stage #1 -- Smart



This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject. You

know all and greatly wish to express this knowledge to anyone who

will listen. At this stage you are also always right. And of course

the person you are talking with is very wrong. You will talk for

hours trying to convince someone that you are right. This makes for an

interesting argument when both parties are "smart". Two people talking,

in fact, arguing about a subject neither one really knows anything

about, but are convinced that they are they complete authority on the

subject makes for great entertainment for those get the opportunity to

listen in.



Stage #2 -- Handsome/Pretty



This is when you are convinced that you are the best looking person in

the entire room and everyone is looking at you. You begin to wink at

perfect strangers and ask them to dance because of course they had been

admiring you the whole evening. You are the center of attention, and all

eyes are directed at you because you are the most beautiful thing on the

face of the earth. Now keep in mind that you are still smart, so you can

talk to this person who has been admiring you about any and all subjects

under the sun.



Stage #3 -- Rich



This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can

buy drinks for the entire bar and put it on your bill because you surely

have an armored truck full of your money parked behind the bar. You can

also make bets in this stage. Now of course you still know all, so you

will always win all your bets. And you have no concern for how much

money you bet because you have all the money in the world. You will also

begin to buy drinks for all the people in the bar who are admiring you

because you are now the smartest, prettiest, and richest person on the

face of the earth.



Stage #4 -- Bulletproof



You can now pick fights with the people you have been betting money with

because you cannot be hurt by anything. At this point you would go up to

the boyfriend of the woman who had been admiring your beautiful self

all evening and challenge him to a battle of wits for money. You have no

worry about losing this battle of wits because you know all, have all

the money to cover this bet, and you obviously win a fight that might

erupt if he looses.



Stage #5 -- Invisible



This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do

absolutely anything because no one can see you. You can get up and dance

on a table; you can strip down to your underwear, to impress the people

who have been admiring you all evening, because the rest of the people

in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person whom

you have picked a fight with earlier in the evening. You can walk through

the streets singing at the top of your lungs (because of course you are

still smart and know the tune perfectly) and no one will think anything

of it because they can't see you. All your social inhibitions are

gone. You can do anything, because no one will know.



And you certainly won't remember !